17 grandchildren on my side of the family.

Alex, Taylor, Gabe, Sam, Kate, Nate, Drew, Dylan, Jake, Hailey, Dani, Mac, Josh, Allie, Joey, Molly, Izzy

This is them in order from oldest to youngest with the exception of Taylor who should be in between the 2 oldest.  (He was being a teenager that day, hopefully some day he'll give us a chance!!) 

It is so strange to watch them all grow up.  

Actually, not so much strange as sad.  They are such special people!   

I was in LOVE with being an aunt when Alex, Taylor, Gabe and Sam were born.  Not that much has changed (I still love the thought of a new little one that I can snuggle!  !  There was very little I would have given up for the chance to be with them!  I was blessed with the same kind of enthusiasm with Brian's little sisters when I had Nate and Jake.  They were the ones I would leave my newborns with for a break (on a weekly basis) because they took such great care of them and I sincerely felt like they would do anything for my children.  I wonder if they feel the same way about my boys that I feel about my nephews?  I love them so much for that!  I'm sure somewhere, someone is keeping track of a score and some day I'll have to pay up for all that they did for our boys.  Sometimes I wonder if they know that Nate and Jake still feel a special connection with them and love being with them?  I hope that as life gets harder they will know their aunts are still care givers in their lives and that they can trust them.  Sometimes just knowing that you are loved and that you matter can make a difference. We have been blessed with a strong and loving family.  I pray that my children NEVER take it for granted. 

It is no secret that my family has a history of mental illness in it.  I know that it is an uncomfortable thing to talk about but it is reality.  As my nephews and nieces (and my own children) grow it makes me wonder who will be the statistic?  Who will fall to addiction, because several of them could.  Who will suffer from depression?  Who will feel overwhelming guilt?  Who is Bi-polar?  Which ones will truly fight anxiety, not just stress, but debilitating anxiety.  Who will feel hopeless?  Who will feel like taking their own life might be a good way to solve problems?

It breaks my heart to know that they struggle.  Life is hard.  Being a teenager today is hard.  I am grateful every single day for the health that my children have been blessed with but I know that there are genetics that play a bigger role than I would want to admit.  

I know a few of them are struggling particularly hard right now and I wish I could just shake them and help them to see that life can go on.  Sometimes taking life a day at a time is all you can do. Try to make tomorrow a better day.  We don't have to let our failures consume us.  How can I help fix their broken hearts?  I wish I could help them see how much their Father in Heaven loves them.  They matter to me.

I love them all.