Tayor and Katie

So my sister has these two pretty awesome kids but we haven't really been a part of their lives since their divorce.  Taylor was 5 and Kate was 2.  They are now 17 and nearly 14.  Time has flown and the kids have grown up.  We have all been busy with our own lives and kids so finding time to fit in people who we have been told want nothing to do with us has always seemed pointless.  I saw this picture of Katie the other day just randomly and it shocked me!  It actually made me cry!  I wish there was a way to let them know that things weren't always what they seemed from their perspective.  We have always loved them!  They have never once missed out on being part of our family prayers, they are both in every one!  And secretly their dad is too.  We all want the best for their family!  I feel awful for Dave.  He has been through a lot himself this past little while.  Although I am aware that he too is somewhat suffering the consequences of the choices he has made in the past (even though he might not want anyone else to know that).

He loves his kids and it sounds like they are really great people!

When I came across the picture of Katie, I had the overwhelming urge to know her!  She is beautiful with a heart to match!  Taylor is a handsome, extremely intelligent young man who is sadly stuck in a really bad place with his emotions!  Karrie told me that she was able to visit with them FINALLY, for the first time in a really long time and I couldn't believe how much she was touched by the opportunity to be near them!  It was amazing to hear the gratitude her heart poured out after the visit. 

Taylor is still angry with her.  We all pray that some day he will be able to let go of the resentment that he holds for her and her past and give her a chance!  Karrie seemed extremely hopeful for a relationship with Katie and won't ever give up on a chance to gain Taylor's trust.   

It made me think of my own children and how grateful I am that they won't ever have to know what that feels like.  I get the opportunity to meet a lot of neat people at my job and I hear over and over again how damaged someone feels after their parents divorce.  I know it is sometimes unavoidable, and life is messy, intimate relationships have got to be awful to end!  It would be so hard to keep your personal feelings separate from your parental feelings.  I know that a lot of people can't do it! Not that it can't be done, just saying that it must be hard!

For some reason I'm terrified to ask Katie to come to a Bridal shower for our cousin Miranda on Saturday that Karrie is throwing.  It would be so neat for all the girls to be able to finally meet her and find out who Aunt Karrie's girlie is!  All the little nieces would ADORE her!!!  I get so nervous to ask her dad for anything.  I guess just because his ex-wife was always so hateful to us (not that I can't say I'm not grateful that she was willing to be a mom to those two sweethearts when my sis couldn't).  I am afraid it might scare Katie away, but if I don't start somewhere, It'll never change.  Right?

I guess I just have to get up the courage to call her!  I have thought a million times that FB would be a great place for a start, but she unfriended my SIL Becky a while back and Beck is still sad about it.  I wish that we weren't a threat to them!  There have been so many times in their lives that we debated just showing up at the events we knew they were at, but out of respect for their parents and their wishes we don't.  Even now, I would love to take Karrie to dinner at Taylor's place of employment, just so she could see him from a distance and know a little more about him, but neither of us would ever do that to him!  We know how hard that would be for him right now.  We get it.

It's interesting how we hear bits and pieces of their lives from random people who know them and see them regularly.  The same goes for the son Karrie placed nearly 22 years ago.  Heavenly Father opens ways for us to see into their lives so that they don't feel pressured to interact with us.   know that our family will all continue to pray that someday Karrie's children (all of them) will give her the chance she deserves to know them and be the part of their lives that she is dying to be!!! 

Love you Taylor!  Love you Katie!  I hope you know that!!!

Love ,

Aunt Nannie

16.....

16 on September 16th

Who knows what he was thinking...

But man, am I LUCKY that whatever it was, it was to MY advantage!

Poor guy is in it for Eternity. 

And I couldn't feel more blessed!

I know that without him,

I'd be lost. 

In so many senses of the word!

He can still make me laugh every day.

I'm going to lie...16 years with me hasn't been wedded bliss.

My heart is full of regret for the trauma I put him through (usually daily).

He truly deserves so much more than I give.

But thankfully, he's loyal to a fault.

And he apparently enjoys torture?

All kidding aside, I was overcome with gratitude for the love of my sweet husband tonight

when I called him to say goodnight to him and he was finishing up the dishes.  He thanked me for the meal I

prepared for our family before I left for work tonight.  He took Jake to football and helped coach his team,

he helped Nate with his algebra homework (that I couldn't do if I tried), encouraged him to finish his soccer training before his combined activity, entertained our resident attention manager.  He also read with her and practiced her spelling and word family words, made sure everyone was bathed and tucked into bed the way he knows I would do it if I were home. 

(Not that Nate allows me to physically "tuck" him into anything or really Jake either, but you know what I mean!)

I know that I am blessed.  I know he tries so hard to help me out and make life easier for me!

I enjoy the rare moments of quiet we get to share together and I hope he knows how much all of the little things he does for me matter to me more than he knows!

more deep thoughts from a 12 hr shift...

If you're ever on fire, I think it's best not to look in a mirror, because that will really get you in a panic.

- Jack Handey 

Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, 'within reason.' When I asked her what she meant by 'within reason,' she said, 'You ask a lot of questions for a garbage man.'

- Jack Handey

Dear House of Hope,

I have the not-so unique opportunity to be a sister to a woman with bi-polar disorder.  She is also a recovering addict who lives every day like she has been given a gift.  I want to share a little about my older sister because I recently had the realization that there are so many people out there still living the way Karrie used to live and they have families who have to watch them struggle day after day not knowing what storm their illness will blow in next!  

The other night at work, I met a lady who was living my life 12 years ago!  I saw so much of myself in her and I wanted to hug her and let her meet Karrie so she could see that there was hope for her sister too!!  I honestly thought that Karrie would be long gone before Nate made it to Jr High.  

We all know in our hearts that Karrie is here for reasons beyond all of us!  Her second husband passed away suddenly last October after struggling with addiction and several different health problems and seeing her cope with that loss and still hold a job, maintain her own sobriety, continue to sponsor many young women in recovery, and  spread herself paper thin across our family being the favorite fun Aunt and family rescue service touches my heart because I never thought that she'd be in that place!

I hope someday her children will allow her the forgiveness she deserves.  She continues to try to regain their acceptance and trust but no matter how hard she tries, the consequences of her past haunt her like her choices were yesterday!  Someday they will hopefully know that she is a woman of faith, loyalty, perseverance and strength!  I admire her courage!  I know I am blessed to be in her life!  I thank my Father in Heaven for the experiences we've shared, good and bad, because we are better for having them!

A few years ago I wrote this letter to the treatment program Karrie graduated from.  I am truly grateful for what they gave her! 

Dear House of Hope,

We are writing you this letter today to express our gratitude for the life, and possibly many other lives, you quite literally saved by taking Karrie Mortensen into your program.

The truth of the matter is that a year and a half ago we did not expect Karrie to make it two more months.

She was picked up and put into jail after numerous D.U.I. charges.  Our family gave every effort to trying to “control” the situation, everything from disabling her car to hiding it in family member’s garages.  All with threats of violence towards each of us. 

We were so grateful when we received the collect phone call from Salt Lake City Correctional facility and her voice screaming at the other end that they won’t let her go!   “I cannot take another stay here!  You have to do something!  They said that I might have to serve six months!  I am so scared!  Help me!!!”

The phone calls continued, all full of anger and Karrie saying that she wanted help, but we didn’t feel as if she really did, until a close family member, Karrie’s uncle, passed away in a horrible car accident.  She missed a very important time for our family. 

For some reason that was the turning point for her.  She finally got it!  She was going to need help to be able to control her drug addiction and her bi-polar disorder.  The House of Hope was a long wait for Karrie, but it gave her time to continue to really desire the help to make a change in her life.

Karrie graduated from The House of Hope’s residential treatment and chose to continue with day treatment.  She struggled through the treatment, but was given so much in return!  She now has the tools that she needs to be able to survive.  She mentioned the other day, that when she entered treatment, the description/name she was given was “Insanity”.  I think that hurt her at first, but the one she is known by now is “Hope”.  I can’t express to you with words how appropriate that is for her.  She is full of hope and faith and truth!  What honorable qualities!  We never thought we would ever be able to describe her using those words!  We know that Karrie’s struggle is not over and that she wasn’t “cured”, but she now has the knowledge and power to take things day by day and continue “in recovery”.

Our sorrow watching Karrie’s self-destruction was tremendous!  We are a very close family.  We share a lot.  It has hurt to not share with Karrie because she was just not capable or coherent.  We prayed at times for God to take her sooner than later because we were terrified that she was going to take the lives of an innocent family.  We hated watching her suffer in the misery and pain that addiction had put her into. 

I remember on several occasions waking up to see on the news a report of a D.U.I. accident, and holding my breath while I waited for them to announce the name of the offender.  We would take turns checking on Karrie to make sure that she was still alive.  She would call after days of abuse and not be able to speak.  We only knew it was her from the caller I.D.  She missed so much of things taking place in our family and we missed her!

We are so thankful for the judge that sentenced her to House of Hope because he saved her life!  Your program saved her life!  We are forever grateful because she was most definitely worth saving!  We love her and we need her around!  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  For saving our Karrie!  She is precious to us!  We needed her smile back, and now we have it!

With Sincere Gratitude,

The Mortensen Family

                     We love you, Sis!!!

Diva.

Yeah...good luck with that!

Ever have one of THOSE days???

(seriously, though, this was with Brian's entire family on the scale at the zoo!!)

Public apology...ooopsy!!!

So sorry if any of my recent posts were offensive to you in any way!!  I left my blog up in a somewhat public forum and I should have checked it after, because I TOTALLY deserved it (I like to play jokes on people), but I didn't, and the result...uh, sorry for the inappropriateness posted!!!  Not that it was too far off my normal naughtiness, just a little more over the top than I want to be in public, especially when I am wide awake with no excuses!  I'll still post white trash humor...so if that offends, you don't read my blog any way!!

Love at home.

I was touched when I read this at work the other night!  I am so thankful that there is someone out there who might know what my little family needs desperately right now!

If you haven't had the chance, especially if your home might be needing to feel some love too, take a minute and read it!  Even if you aren't religious, it really is good advice for anyone who wants to try to connect emotionally with the people they love at home!!

I appreciated the reminder more than anyone could know!  So...

Brian, Nate, Jake, Allie I love you!!!  Our family is the best!  I am grateful for my for my friends who are sometimes closer than family!  You are loved!!!  Thanks for letting me be part of your lives!!!

50.

and STILL counting...

(Yay me!!)

?????

What the 13????

Yep! The picture is lame, but I am his mom and I get to pretend

that he is still a "little" boy in my head whenever I want to!

so....that said,

Happy Birthday Nate!!!

13 years ago on August 3rd at 4:46 am you

FINALLY decided to become, officially, my first child!

You have been a joy and a challenge and we have loved

EVERY single minute we have been blessed with!!

There are so many things about you that make me smile!

And a few that make me want to....yeah, debate will be a

good class for you.

Seriously though, I know that you are part of our family for

so many wonderful reasons and we are all grateful to

be part of your life!!!

From the second we tried to get you here, you have been one of the

most stubborn people I will ever know...(DeVries/Beckstrand gene???)

But also one of the most sincere, loyal and curious children I want to know!

(Again with the matching dad traits!)

Your sense of humor is one of a kind and definitely helps the two of us mesh!!

I enjoy spending time with you and hearing your opinion about life!

It makes me laugh how similar you and your dad can really be!

I know that sometimes that is hard for both of you, but someday you'll appreciate it!!!

We love you Mate Nathaniel DeVries!!!

Our family would be empty without you!!!

Happy Birthday!

Thanks for letting me pretend (even if it is only in my head) that you are

my "little" boy sometimes!

Sadly, most days, I need more signs like these!!!

It's true, and lets be honest, who wants to clean THAT mess up?
Always fun & games til a foot gets lodged.
Once I rode on a boat and I wish this sign would have been posted...
Was that a fat joke?

Well??? How would you?
Easy enough.

Do you know how hard it is to provide actual proof?

Also, not so sure about the wording there...

getting some?

Aaahh. Explains a lot.

Figures!
I thought that's what the little pouch down in front was for??

I feel so stupid right now.

**Sister Zollinger**

This one's for you...
Didn't you grow up in LaVerne?

What was up with the touching?

Awareness IS key to safety first.

Thanks for the warning!

What do you think they are using her for?

But she's not bitter...

I wish they would have said something sooner.

Huh...I wondered.

Wait, which door? I'm so confused!

Dude...

So...tired...